Monday, February 16, 2009

Hot Dogs vs. God

Guess what I just found out?

Opening Day for the Royals is on Good Friday this year.


You probably don't care if:

1. You don't like baseball and/or the Royals
2. You're not Catholic and don't understand the implications of this horror
3. You don't know what this has to do with hot dogs

I'll spell it out for you...

I'm a relatively somewhat practicing Catholic. One of the small things I can do as a sacrifice for Jesus' sacrifice is not eat meat for 6 Fridays of the year. I'm good at this. I can do it.

I'm also a rabid baseball fan. I don't care how much the Royals suck, Opening Day is a High Holy Day of Awesomeness in my family. My dad used to let us play hooky every year for Opening Day. My grandfather built a baseball field in the middle of his cornfield in the 1950's (Whatever, Kevin Costner!). I played for my college softball team. We sort of take baseball seriously.

Going to a baseball game = eating at least one or more hot dogs. I can't watch MLB without eating a hot dog. I simply can not do this. I have an unhealthy obsession with hot dogs from stadiums/vendor carts. I can't say no.

So, what am I going to do?! I know I'm going to the game (Thank you generous advertising outlets for giving me tickets since I spend so much money with you.)

Do I sin and have one anyway? It is my God-given, American right to enjoy hot dogs at a baseball game...

Do I call Bishop Finn and beg for a dispensation (Dude, he should already be all over this! If the Irish get it for St. Pat's, Royals fans should get it for Opening Day.)?

I can't eat meat on Good Friday of all days. That's the one day of the year (the day Jesus died on the cross for my atheist/Jewish/other non-Christian/heathen readers)Catholics simply cannot screw up on. I'd probably get struck by a bolt of lightning or something if I tried it.

Will it be a sin if I cheer for Mustard, Ketchup or Relish in the Hot Dog Race?

Do I duck if Slugger shoots a hot dog towards me?

How could the Royals screw up the one enjoyable day of fanhood (the only day they have a real chance of being above .500)?

The only good news?

God never said anything about beer.

The promise of overpriced beer and nachos help ease this pain...

God bless beer and fake cheese.


Beautiful Mess said...

OH NO! That would piss me off too! Nobody in my family (husband, kids and friends) understands the aspect of giving up meat on that day. I feel your pain..YAY for beer and cheese..w00t w00t!!!

Kansas Sity Sinic said...

WTF!? I thought Opening Day was almost always on a Mon or Tues?

I lurve Royals hot dogs as well.

One time, on dollar night, I ate three hot dogs.

True story. Oink.

kcmeesha said...

did they stop selling indulgences at the church? you are not skipping your meatless day, just move it to Thursday.

MoxieMamaKC said...

Sinic: I KNOW!! It's always a weekday like Monday/Tuesday. Never a Friday! One time on Buck Night, my husband and bro in law dared each other to eat a hot dog an inning. They only made it to the 6th. No, Meesha, indulgences are out of vogue since Vat II as far as I know...

Chimpotle said...

Blame MLB. Most times, when a team starts away, they schedule them for two series. That didn't happen with the Royals. I'm guessing it has to do with the new Yankee Stadium not opening until mid-second week.

I'm all about hot dogs at the game (or anywhere), but I am generally too sloppy drunk by first pitch to even think about standing in line for food the home opener.

Unknown said...

I looked, and I could not find shrimp hotdogs!

Hyperblogal said...

Actually, indulgences are making a comeback. There was an article in the NY Times (which I can't find now) recently. I would petition the Bishop for dispensation and at the same time chastise the Royals for scheduling heresy.

The Whiz Kid Forte said...

I'm PO'd too as a Catholic when baseball season opens today, and it's already Good Friday! Oy vey! My home team, the Tampa bay Devil Rays is already in Baltimore for the Orioles' season opener that starts at 3 pm, when Jesus died on the cross! GAAHHH! Good thing my frugality kept me from attending this! If I have the time, I would write a petition to the MLB stating that baseball should commence anywhere but Good Friday!

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