Revisionist History: Jayhawk Version

Have you seen this? It's completely inaccurate history, but it's hilarious. It kind of reminds me of Derek Water's "Drunk History" series...I could care less about basketball, but the idea of basketball assassins is pretty hilarious. Favorite line? "I guess the colors of a jayhawk is crimson, blue and yella!"

My one criticism of this brilliant video is that there is no mention of Col. Doc Jennison. I mean, c'mon, really? He was THE original Jayhawker. Dude deserves his shout out...

Moxie's Little Juvenile Delinquent....

Soooo....I get a call on Friday from Darling's school.

Apparently, my sweet, innocent second grader got in trouble for defacing school property. She and her BFF decided that it was a good idea to write their names and "BFFs forever" on the bathroom stalls of the girls room.

The school counselor told me that it was in pencil, "but quite large" and she had the girls clean it up and they were sent to the vice principal for a "discussion".

I was flabbergasted. I was a child that never, ever got in trouble. Handsome was a hellion. He routinely got in trouble in grade school. Apparently, she truly is Daddy's Little Girl.

I initially had four reactions.

1. She is in SOOOO much trouble.

2. She's not a very good juvenile delinquent. She wrote her name, which is quite incriminating when committing a crime. I need her Sicilian godmother to have a discussion with her about covering her tracks.

3. We need to have a serious discussion about peer pressure. She is much too influenced by others. Writing on the walls is just not something she would come up with on her own. I've seen in other situations where she'll do something because others tell her it's a good idea. Maybe because she's an only child she hasn't figured out how to say "No, I don't want to do that."

4. She is going to be much harder on herself than Handsome and I are going to be.

My Darling Delinquent is lucky that Daddy picked her up from school and not Mama.

Let's just say I needed some "cool off time"...

When Handsome went to pick her up from school he walked into her classroom and she took one look at him and knew she was in trouble.

Handsome is a much calmer parent than I am and so he said, "So...Mama got a phone call today from school."

She nodded her head and said that she expected that.

Handsome asked her why she did it.

"Because I'm a bad kid"

And....his heart broke a little bit.

He told her (and I backed it up when I got home) "You're not a bad kid. You're actually a very good kid, but you made a VERY bad decision. Sometimes good people make very bad choices. The important thing is to try very hard not to do something you know is wrong even if your friends tell you to do it."

Handsome is full of "Good Parent Wisdom"...

I never thought that we would have to have the peer pressure discussion in 2nd grade.

Sigh...

Punishment: Writing 6 pages of "I will think for myself and do what is right.", no computer games, no tv, no Nintendo DS for at least a week.

She's taking it well and if we had left the punishment up to her she probably would have come up with something much harsher.

.....

Sometimes parenting sucks.

Chocolate Smuggery

Is smugness a sin?

I sure hope not because I felt pretty awesome at 5:30 pm last night going in to my local liquor store and waltzing past several disgruntled and disappointed Boulevard Chocolate Ale seekers.

Thanks to the advice of KC Beer Blog, I had put 2 bottles (max allowed) on reserve. One for me and one to give away as a birthday gift to one of my friends. Last year, I waited too long to get my hands on a bottle so I was determined this year. At the same time, I'm kind of disappointed in myself for being a part of mass hysteria and hype over something as trivial as a particular flavored beer.

I haven't tried it yet, but I'm looking forward to enjoying it during the Oscars of Advertising (Super Bowl Sunday).

Happy Blogiversary....Or Something

Wow. So I started this blog waaaaay back in January 2008.


I admit....


I've kinda failed at blogging in the last year (or two).

There have been a lot of changes in my life in the last year (which I'll probably get to eventually) and I admit that my reasons for starting this crazy blog have changed as I have evolved as a person (not a bad thing)and I guess my blog has suffered an identity crisis (and me too...).

I'm not ready to give up the "blissful oblivion of anonymous" of my very strong opinions, but I never know how to start once I've gotten an idea of something to write about.

Sometimes I think blogging is just the post modern version of James Joyce's stream of conscience and I've had trouble picking up the thread of my "inner thoughts".

Screw it.

I know "good blogs" have a continuous theme and a continuous message and voice, but I've got to pick up the thread somehow...

I think my favorite posts were just the random "this strikes my fancy so I'll slap some words on the blogisphere about it.

so....

be ready, Constant Reader, for me to unleash some of my randomness in the upcoming days/weeks/months.

I'm ready to just put random stuff out there.

Love it...hate it...I don't care....I just hope you'll continue to stick around for a little bit longer.

Hugs, kisses....


Moxie

Open Windows

So....I finally found a job after a relatively quick 2.5 months....I start on the 11th and I'm so excited!!!

I've always been a big fan of "when God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window." (Thanks, Julie Andrews and The Sound of Music!) In the last couple of months, it feels like The Big Guy (God, Yahweh, Jehovah, Whatever you'd like to call Him) has been throwing open every single window in my life....

Ironically, the job I landed came through a staffing agency that saw my resume online and thought I'd be a good fit. I hate the idea of 90 days-temp-to-hire, but I really think it will work out ok. It's a FANTASTIC job (at least on paper so far)and I honestly feel blessed to be given this opportunity.

I've loved the time I've been able to spend with my daughter, the time I've finally had to work on my family history stuff and just the general break in the craziness of life. I've also wrestled and put away a lot of personal issues that have needed to be settled for a long time. Having time to think really does that for you....

The one mar on this late spring/early summer awesomeness is my allergies this year.

I've always had the coughy/sneezy/pot smokin' red, itchy eyes that most people with seasonal allergies get, but this rare year, I got THE HIVES.

It doesn't happen every year, but the years it does, it's bad(thus the big caps.) Spontaneously I will break out in hand sized welt-like hives all over my body.

I'm the Incredible Hiving Moxie during these moments and I can't do anything about them but try to overdose on Benadryll. I never, ever take allergy medicine (I like to suffer or I'm stupid, I don't know), but when I get THE HIVES it's a quick trip to Walgreens for the happy, take away the crazy hives medicine.

Did I mention I had one of these attacks right before a job interview last month? Yep, I sure did. Luckily, clothes concealed my crazy shame. I itched my way through the interview!

The worst THE HIVES incident was 9 years ago on Handsome's college graduation day. Right in the middle of the ceremony, I broke out from head to foot in large, awful hives.

People stared.

My mother-in-law, the nurse, wanted to rush me to the hospital.

I was mildly freaking out, but I carried on....

All in all, it was a great break and I'm looking forward to my new job. It kind of freaks me out to realize how ready I was for my last job to end. I didn't have the courage to leave and I kept thinking things would get better, but honestly, after reflection, it's a release to be gone.

The Lord indeed works in mysterious ways.

It sucks that we won't be able to afford to go to California to see Handsome's sister's new baby in December and we've had to put off our "put new siding on the house" project mid-way through (I'm still hoping we can do it in Sept.), but we thankfully are coming through this momentary financial crisis relatively unscathed.

And for that, I'm thankful. Thank you Baby Jesus and the Easter Bunny for the miracles!

And thanks, Big Guy, once more for seeing me through something that seemed insurmountable.

You really do work in mysterious ways!!!

downsized....

3 weeks ago today was the first day in 8 years, 4 months, 2 weeks and 2 days that I didn't go to a full time job.

I was downsized....

It doesn't help that it wasn't my boss' decision...

It doesn't help that I got a great severance package...

It doesn't help that it wasn't my fault...

I felt empty...worthless...

Up until that point I had only been married 6 weeks longer than I had that job.

I had my daughter while I had that job.

I bought my first house while I had that job.

My husband and I have been through so much since I first got that job...

It was the sustaining thing through so much financial early-marriage chaos...

I was always "The Bread Winner"...

I knew it was probably coming, but I was in denial...

In January, our corporate office "restructured" the company. I was nervous and asked my boss what that meant for me. I was only one of a few "local" marketing managers left in 128 branches in the US and Canada. I kept my job for so long after so many of us fell.

I always knew my boss valued my work and that he'd keep me if he could.

Fuck it.

I kept my job because I was better than Corporate at getting results and up til now they couldn't find a reason to fire me legitimately. That's not an exaggeration.

I always played by the brand standards: used the right logos, fonts, graphics, but the ideas that really worked were all a local collaboration between the GM, the Sales Manager and me....

In January, the GM (some one who has been so inspirational as a business person to me) told me that if I was going to be eliminated, it would have already happened.

I was stupid and I believed him.

He hadn't let me down in the 5 years that I'd known him.

I have to give him a little bit of credit.

He fought for me and I don't doubt it.

He couldn't look me in the eye that day and had someone (that I HATE) do it...

But...he did say,

"I'm sorry, Moxie....I was the very last hold out. I did everything that I could. I'm the last of 128. I've fought for you for so long, but they won't let me any more. I'll do anything I can to help you find something else..."

Bleak comfort....right?

Strangely, I thought I'd be upset, but I wasn't.

I'd been unhappy for about a year and a half, REALLY unhappy since January. I knew it was time to go a long time ago, but I held on because it was familiar and because of the friends I'd made....We watched our kids grow up together, we weathered SO many financial challenges and creative differences together....it was like a family....

I was in firm denial.

But, done is done, am I right?

But, what really hurts is the fact that ONLY 2 HOURS after I finished a huge project, I was called in to the front office and let go... 2:15 pm on April 18th, 2011...

I'm still a little freaked out about the calm I felt.

I thought I'd cry...

I didn't.

I thought it would be harder...

It wasn't...

It was a weird calm and a rush of release.

It was all over and I didn't have to be stressed about that place again.

I just hated that it was so abrupt.

That my health insurance ran out at midnight that night.

That I didn't get the chance to say good bye to some of the most wonderful people I've known over the last 8.5 years.

Sure, I'll call those people in the next few weeks, tell them I'm doing fine and etc. and etc. but....I can't do it right now.

I hate job hunting. I hate the fact that business people lump "Sales and Marketing" together and think I want to be a salesperson.

Fuck that.

Let me create a campaign!!!

Let me strategize, design, implement and track something so I can see solid results.

I've known salespeople, and I'm not a salesperson. I hate getting junk mail promising me unrealistic amounts of money if I become a salesperson for XYZ BS Company.

I don't want to sell, I want to Market.

I'm a strategist.

I love the hunt and the target and the kill.

I love the rush of making someone who "hates junk mail and advertising" call us up anyway...

Sigh....

If you know any Marketing jobs in KC for someone with 10+ years of "roll your sleeves up and get results" marketing experience, let me know...

I hate sitting still...I need a job!

RetroGag: Valentines One

There's no way I can do this series with a straight face...


So let's make fun of some historical shit...whadda ya say?

First up:
Cheesy-ness:

Yeah...ummm...I'm crazy...and I LOVE YOU!

Let's commit arson together..That's HOTT!!


A special kinda KC Lovin'...If you've never imagined licking bbq sauce offa somebody, this valentine ain't meant for you...It's a KC BBQ thing...


I love you so much, baby, it burns like the clap!!!


My pussy says "Meow" boys... grrr...

Creepy, non?

Ummm...dude? Don't try to take your love through airport security...I say this as a friend...


Ok, Constant Reader...get ready for an epic journey of awkward lovin' over the next coupla days...I'm addicted to these creepy, crazy, retro-lovin' Valentines....

RetroGag: Valentines....

One of the most interesting parts of my job as a part-time historian is discovering what other people think is "historical and priceless.."

People bring stuff into the museum I work for all the time. They think it's a precious historical document that must be preserved. 3/4 of the time they are right...

Recently I was hit with an incredible historical cache.

The motherlode of awesomeness....a rare find!!

Boxes and boxes of crap/historical awesomeness. Ex: a bumper sticker that promoted LBJ for president, a clipping from the KC Star in April 1912 talking about the Titanic going down, a lady's ciggerette case from the 1920's, an invite to the Priests of Pallas Parade..

Incredible stuff...

The thing that really struck me was a collection of Valentines from about the 1930's... They are so fragile, intricate and amazing as pieces of artwork. Someone kept these for 70-80 years and they certainly aren't the cheap copy paper versions that I looked at in Target the other day that feature SpongeBob, Hannah Montana and My Little Ponies for Darling's 1st grade class.

I'm amazed at the thoughtfulness people once put into sending these pieces...

Back in the era of sending things via the post office, I think Valentines meant more...

I pondered this and today I ran across a collection of Valentines in one of my favorite blogs "Found in Mom's Basement". Nostaglia lovers, if you haven't found this blog yet, you're slacking...

In the true spirit of mocking things vintage, I've decided to feature some crazy vintage ads over the next couple of days...


Stay tuned, Constant Reader, and help me decipher these Odes to Love from Eras Past...