Thursday, November 4, 2010

Day 4: Something I Have To Forgive Someone Else For

I'm pretty sure that this is something that I'm going to struggle with my entire life. It's definitely the nail in the coffin for ever being able to have a decent relationship with my parents.

My grandmother, who I was very close to, died in 2001. Everyone who knew her knew she was dying. Except me.

I've blogged about this before, and you can read the post here.

This was my early post-college days and my life was pretty chaotic, but I usually called my grandparents at least once or twice a month. I only stopped because my mother told me that my Grandma was upset by my engagement to Handsome.

I should have known better. My mom has lied to me on several occassions in my life, but since we were trying to get along, I went along with her, figuring I would see Grandma in Oct. and be able to ask her about her feelings.

My father could have said something.
My 2 brothers could have said something.
My 2 sisters could have said something.

No one did, because no one in my immediate family has ever stood up to my mom. It's very frustrating.

In my mind, petty family squabbles should never come before a life and death situtation. You can't take back last chances to say good bye. I was robbed of being able to say good bye to someone who meant the world to me, a woman who was the example of the kind of mother I wanted to be.

I know I need to forgive my mom and the rest of my family, but this is probably the hardest thing for me to do. I'm still struggling with it 9 years later....


Donna. W said...

Ah, the old mother-daughter thing. It goes on forever, doesn't it? My mom drove my crazy, and now I drive my daughter crazy. It needs to stop somewhere.