Thursday, December 16, 2010

Unicorns are indigenous to somewhere like Scotland, right?

Well I've done it.

Darling loves unicorns. She loves them SOOOOOO much that when she visited Santa last weekend she asked for one.

"A real one, not a stuffed one, Santa. I promised to feed it and brush it and ride it every day."

Santa gave me a side-long look and told her he'll see what he can do.

He got off easy.

By encouraging my daughter's imagination and not crushing her wonder of the world and magic, (or some bs like that) I've essentially set the kid up for a major disappointment Christmas morning.

I'm the greatest mother ever. I should write a book: "How to Screw Up Your Kid in 5 Easy Steps" material for sure...

I guarantee you the very first thing she'll do is go looking in the backyard looking for the unicorn.

The real one.

I've already tried to explain to her that unicorns are not indigenous to Missouri and it probably wouldn't like living here.

Darling: "Well, Santa goes everywhere. He can find one. Where do they live?"

Me: "I don't know, probably Scotland, maybe Ireland. Definitely in Europe and that's very far away. And it's really super rare that you can even see one in real life. Don't you think the unicorn would miss its family? You wouldn't like it if Santa picked up Daddy and I and dropped us down in the middle of a unicorn family, would you? You'd miss us wouldn't you?"

Darling: "Yeah, but you'd be living with unicorns, and that would be so cool, so I wouldn't be sad for long."


Me: "Well, we'll see...Maybe another little girl needs a unicorn more than you do. I bet they'd have a farm or something. Our backyard would be too small and I bet it would eat the flowers in your fairy garden in the spring. You wouldn't like that, would you?"

Darling: "No it wouldn't eat them. I'd tell my unicorn not to and the fairies wouldn't let him eat them."

Do you see the monsterous problem I've created? My co-worker owns a farm with horses. I'm tempted to bribe him to let me super glue a horn to one of their heads and let Darling go for a ride.

It's either that or let her learn the cruel truth of reality ~ sometimes Santa doesn't bring EVERYTHING you want. I'm still waiting for the toy piano that I wanted Santa to bring me in 1981. (It was a doomed wish from the start. My dad has a low tolerance for what he calls "racket" but a kid sized piano was all I could think about that fall).

I'm sure Darling will be happy with the unicorn Pillow Pet and other assorted unicorn stuff Santa is bringing. It should ease the sting of an empty backyard Christmas morning.


Hyperblogal said...

Unicorns are made of fairy dust and wishes
Beautiful thoughts and golden fishes
These loving creatures were made for children
To hear their thoughts and whispers and wisdom.
They live in the land where rainbows are made
But cannot leave, they become afraid
That they will miss a single child's dreams
Of puppies and flowers and sparkling streams
So stay they must in the Land of Tizit
But when you're grown up you can go and visit.

Xavier Onassis said...

So what I'm hearing is, this ( is not an acceptable, less expensive alternative?

Not even as a stocking stuffer?

MoxieMamaKC said...

Yeah, XO, I'm thinking I'll have to have her in years of therapy with that alternative. :)