Friday, September 11, 2009

I miss her so much today...


Please go read this first...

I dreamt about her last night...

I don't remember everything, but I do remember that in my dream she held my face in her hands and said "I love you, doll baby". Just like she did a thousand times in real life.

My grandma was the original Moxie Mama. Her Brooklyn sass inspired me so much to be a bold, brave woman. I just wish I could hug her one more time.

I hate 9/11.

I hate spending the day with tears in my eyes, even though it's been 8 years.

14 comments:

City Girl said...

Oh, honey. My heart hurts for you. I lost my grandmother last May - on Mother's Day - and the wound is still bleeding. I'll probably hate Mother's Day for the rest of my life.

Take care.

Peterson Family said...

It is never easy to lose someone you love so much. A part of her lives on in you and your daughter. I really believe that. Big hugs to you today!

Heather J. said...

I remember reading your original post ... sending you big hugs today.

Nuke said...

Wishing you the best day you can have, despite the hurt. I am sure she would be pleased to know what she meant, still means, to you.

Beautiful Mess said...

I'm so sorry, sweetie. Your tears today are for her and that's OK. Your tears are showing how strong your love for her is and her love for you. She loves you. I'm glad you had a lovely dream about her. She's with you every day.
*HUGS*

The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) said...

What a beautiful tribute. I'm so sorry for your loss, but also so glad to know that love like this--the love she had for you and the love you have for her--exists.

Hyperblogal said...

I bet that you do some of the same fun things with Darling that your Grandmother did with you.... in that way she is still with you. God can take people from us, but the memories stay. You will always have those, bittersweet that they are.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your grandmother was lucky to have you as her granddaughter.

Hugs!!

FranticMommy said...

I know how you feel. Thougts and prayers are with you.

Samantha said...

I know what it's like to lose a grandma; my heart goes out to you.
It sounds like she's living on through you, and I'm sure she's so touched and so proud of you!

Isn't it crazy how real a dream can be sometimes? I've had a few dreams about my grandma, and it felt like she was right there in the room with me. I'd like to think that dreams like that mean they're watching over us!

flutter said...

Blessings to you. My heart will hold yours in solidarity as you move through this grief into acceptance. Into peace. She rests, gorgeous and whole.

Janna Bee said...

I lost my Grandfather on 9/11. It's a sad day for America and for myself. My thoughts go out to you.

Patty said...

What a beautiful tribute to your grandmother. I can feel the love in your words, and sense how much you miss her. I know it hoard but try not to beat yourself up for not being there when she passed. I know she understood, and your right I am sure she looks down on you and your family as is proud of you and where your life has taken you. It is always so hard to lose those we love. My dad passed in Dec. 2004 and was buried on Christmas Eve. It always sets a damper for the holidays, but I think of his love and know that he would want us to celebrate. So next year instead of hating 9-11 embrace it. Do something special that day. Do you live close enough to visit your grandmother's grave? Perhaps you can take your daughter there and lay flowers on her grave. Also here is an idea (I read about this as a Halloween custom to honor the dead). On 9-11 next year make a special meal and set an extra place in honor of your grandmother. Spend the time at the dinner table sharing happy stories with your family about your grandmother as you were growing up. I am sure your daughter and husband would love to hear them and this sets happy memories for your daughter to keep of her great grandmother..
Hugs to you.

Marketing Mama said...

So sorry about your grandma. I miss mine, too.