Wednesday, February 20, 2008

You've Got to Be McShitting Me!!!!

As I was surfing online over my lunch break, I ran into
this article
Basically, some idiot at Esquire Magazine named the McRib sandwich at McDonalds as one of the best sandwiches in the country.

Maybe this idiot doesn't eat out much. Maybe his taste buds were burned off in some horrible McDonalds coffee scalding incident. I really think he probably could have done better if he put some effort into research when trying to write a real story. A national food chain with a "Best Sandwich"? Seriously? Maybe the iconic Big Mac, but the McRib? No way, Jose.

Don't get me wrong. Whenever this promotional pigstuff comes out, I occassionally imbibe. With a 3 yr old, we're in the McDonalds years and it's a decent change from the double cheeseburger staple I usually go for. However, I would NEVER consider it barbeque. It's pressed pork-like meatish stuff shaped sort of like a mini-slab of ribs. And it's not really all that good. I would never consider the sauce stuff on it to be barbeque sauce. It's just McRib sauce. Or something.

What really slays (fillets) me about the article is the quote from the Esquire Idiot:

“The pickles slay me,” Dickensheets wrote. “The other components of the McRib — sauce, meat, onions, bun — are straight outta barbecue antiquity. But the pickles are an unexpected wacko touch. Is that how they do it in … what, Kansas City?”

Wow...just wow....did you just gasp? I did.

Hope this poor idiot never makes the mistake of actually visiting Kansas City ever. He probably shouldn't even fly over the state for his own safety. That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. What is barbecue antiquity? Pickles are whacko? Granted they should be on the side of the sandwich, but still. And I can honestly say I have never eaten onions anywhere near any "real barbecue". Besides that, barbequed meat sandwiches are usually served on white bread, or at least not a sesame bun, for Pete's sake.

As a lifelong Kansas Citian, I admit, I have often pitied those who aren't within driving distance of Gates, Jack Stack or Oklahoma Joe's. Those poor, unlucky bastards. They really don't know what they are missing. Maybe they really don't know that real Kansas City barbecue is so much better than the Kraft product called "KC Masterpiece BBQ Sauce".

So, like every other Kansas City blogger, here's my top choices of bbq:

Sauce: Gates is the ONLY sauce. If I could hook it up intervenously, I would. I love it that much. It was torture when I was pregnant, but I suffered through the heartburn for the delicious taste. It's even good on frozen burritos!

Meat: Jack Stack. From beef to sausage to burnt ends, the delicious best. It's really all about the quality. It's not as fatty and I like the way they smoke their meat (hee hee)

Best ribs: Believe it or not, the best ribs of my life were eaten at the Marina Grog and Galley in Lake Lotawana. The rub they put on them is incredible. They are like nothing else. I haven't been there in quite awhile, but it's worth the trip.

Best baked beans: Zarda. And that's the only good thing about that restaraunt. And I can even buy the beans at Price Chopper, so no need to even go there.

Fries: Arthur Bryant's...crispy outside, soft inside. A meal in itself, especially dipped in their pretty good sauce.

Side dish: Cheesy Corn from Smokestack. (Yes, I know JackStack has the same recipe since they are brother and sister, but Smokestack is closer to my house.)

Best other condiment: Barbeque Mayonnaise from Oklahoma Joe's. Sounds weird, but it is extremely delicious.

Best atmosphere: BB's Lawnside Barbeque. Holy Smokes, their Blues/Jazz rocks! It's a biker bar and it's beautiful! Where else can you buy Pabst Blue Ribbon by the tin bucket? Not at high brow Jack Stack, that's for sure. Damn fine food and VERY affordable.

Most psycho-attentive staff: The "HI, MAY I HELP YOU?!" folks over at Gates. Before you even open the door they're screaming at you for your order. And you better know what you want, quick. "Beefonbunwithfries" The faster you get it out, the better it goes for you. I always warn out of towners to brace themselves before entering.

Best use of space: Oklahoma Joe's. BBQ joint + gas station = pretty cool. Just don't try to get in around lunchtime. Especially if you're claustrophobic. Or addicted to gas fumes. Still the food is deliciously yummy slathered with barbecue mayo.

Cutest waiters: Hickory Pit in Lee's Summit. I don't know if I was drooling over the food or the cute waiters. Definitely worth the trip if for no other reason than the "scenery".

If I can find it, I'll scan in this awesome cartoon that used to be on my fridge. It's a little boy and his father barbecuing and the boy asks his father, "Who invented barbecue, Daddy?" The father responds, "Probably back in the Stone Age, right around the area that is now Kansas City"

Amen, brother. Amen.