The Return of the Hot Dog Spaghetti Monster

So, seriously... remember this post from Retro Gag? These things are everywhere now. It's hip and trendy food choices for the toddler set.

It still gives me nightmares...but here's the before and after preparation photos

Total Hypothetical here....

I'm a huge fan of the show Dollhouse. On this week's episode, a woman (who ends up being murdered) had her memories imprinted in Echo (it was in her will) so she could go back and see her funeral, find out what people really thought of her, and try to solve her murder.

Murder aside, if you could go back and observe your loved ones post your mortem, would you? Would you really want to know what people thought of you? Could you handle watching their grief?

I'm not sure what I would do...

PS...If you're not watching Dollhouse, you should. It took me a while to figure out if it was going to be really great, and as the story line (which starts a bit slow, admittedly) progresses, I LOVE it..

The Best Birthday Present I've Ever Received...

I'm sure it should be something more lofty like life or some shit like that, but Handsome got me tickets to Kris Kristofferson who was at the Uptown Theatre last weekend.

Holy shit, friends...A dream come true.

i have a LOOOOONG love affair with Singer/Songwriters and Kris Kristofferson is on my absolute A List....

Harry Chapin, John Denver and John Lennon are dead. It's doubtful I'll ever see Pulp or Simon and Garfunkel in concert so this was my dream come true.

See this pic? Yeah, so...on the most important dream-come-true concert I've ever been to, my fucking camera batteries die...that glowing something-ish thing is Kris Kristofferson.

Let me tell you...

GREATEST CONCERT I'VE EVER BEEN TO...

I don't care if he's 30 years older than me and that I'm happily married...HE'S SMOKIN' HOTTT! He sounds like he did 30 yrs ago...He's poetry out loud...He was horribly sick that night and was blowing his nose in between songs, but he was just fabulous...

I went to the concert with a friend of mine who shares my birthday and is a Kris fan (Handsome was in rehearsal that night, damn it!) One of the first songs in his set was "Me and My Bobby McGee" (yeah, he wrote that, thanks, Janice) and I turn to her and say, "Holy shit. He's singing THAT song!" I was like a crazed teenager at a Jonas Brothers concert. I'm sure she was embarrassed, but it was a curiously stoned crowd. You could tell who were the Highwaymen fans from the true blue Kris Kristofferson fans.

There are SO many songs I wanted him to sing, which he sang quite a few but one hit me REALLY hard..."In The News" was one he wrote about the Laci Peterson/9-11 time and when I first heard it, I was pregnant with Darling. I was SO affected by that song and the idea of someone killing his pregnant wife and throwing her in the ocean. I thought about my own life and how Handsome would hardly let me do anything during my pregnancy (to the point that it got annoying) and just realized how blessed I was. And this was also the time that Precious Doe's identity was discovered. I remember watching it on the news and holding my newborn tightly and crying because I couldn't imagine a mother doing that to her child. Or being ok with someone else doing that to her child. Watch this and tell me you don't cry...I dare you...
On a more historical note, check out Kris' "Jesus Was a Capricorn". I love this song SO MUCH!!!

Jesus was a Capricorn, he ate organic foods.
He believed in love and peace and never wore no shoes.
Long hair, beard and sandals and a funky bunch of friends.
Reckon they'd just nail him up if He come down again.

'Cos everybody's got to have somebody to look down on.
Who they can feel better than at anytime they please.
Someone doin' somethin' dirty, decent folks can frown on.
If you can't find nobody else, then help yourself to me.

Get back, John!

Egg Head's cousin Red Neck's cussin' hippies for their hair.
Others laugh at straights who laugh at freaks who laugh at squares.
Some folks hate the whites who hate the blacks who hate the clan.
Most of us hate anything that we don't understand.

'Cos everybody's got to have somebody to look down on.
Who they can feel better than at anytime they please.
Someone doin' somethin' dirty, decent folks can frown on.
If you can't find nobody else, then help yourself to me.

Help yourself, brother.
Help yourself, Gentlemen.
Help yourself Reverend.

There was a scandal in Rolling Stone about Toby Keith and Kris Kristofferson last month and while both parties deny Ethan Hawke's claims of the exchange, loving both artists, I can SO see this happening...

As the daughter of a Vietnam vet, I respect how Kris served his country and then still hates what he had to do. My dad was a Corpsman (Navy equivalent of a medic)and he was the guy on the helicopter deciding who wasn't so far gone that they could be saved and whether the helicopter would lift off the ground...

Anyway...my concert review is 2 enthusiastic thumbs up. Kris is still kickin' ass and taking names...

I Need a Horsehead Pillow...

I'm a HUGE fan of The Godfather. HUGE, I tell you...check out Oddee's list of 15 Coolest Pillows and put the horsehead one down on your Moxie Christmas List...

*No animals were harmed in the posting of this post. Moxie does not condone animal cruelty nor does she approve of most Mafia tactics of intimidation. Some are ok though.

Lolcats burnout

Burnt out on cat pictures? Me too, kind of, but it's like a train wreck and I still have to look. I recently discovered Picture is Unrelated: WTF Pictures and if you haven't seen them, well, you're missing out.

I'm truly scared for the human race...

Here's a few:





I'm sure there is perfectly good explanations for these bizzare photos, but, well, everyone loves things taken out of context.

For truly beautiful pictures done by a kick ass Kansas Citian, see Hyperblogal...I adore his work and you should too!

RetroGag: Scary Stuffed Peppers and Bad Choices with Spaghetti

It's been awhile since I've done a Retro Gag and I think we're overdue...

This week's gems come from the fascinating Mock Duck site. It is a retro-fabulous trip down technicolor gag lane. Check it out. Brave, brave work with the cookbooks of yesteryear...

First on the menu today is this:

I don't know what that little girl is so damn excited about. It seems like an innocent enough picture if you can get past Suzy's Joy of Cooking euphoria. Nutrious (but canned) veggies, pudding with ill placed cherries, I'm even moderately ok with the spaghetti, but I'd like someone to please explain WTF are those hockey puck looking things gracefully lining the spaghetti dish. Those aren't meatballs, kids, and I'm afraid to ask.

MYSTERY LOAF
Tell me this doesn't look like a ham loaf at first glance. It looks like ham, pimentos and cherries to me. That makes me ill to my stomach. Apparently, it's less nefarious, but oddly fruitcake.
Here's the recipe:

"Frozen Fruit Salad -- luscious! Fruit cocktail, cherries, and marshmallows polka-dot this rich delicious salad-dessert. For pretty slices, freeze in round freezer cartons."

Well, it's not as bad as I thought, but still...

Double Gag Whammy
First direct your eyes to the top right corner of this picture (I know, it hurts, doesn't it). I'm a huge fan of Stuffed Peppers. I make kick ass peppers. Probably not as good as Meesha's, but my Sloppy Joe Peppers are rather delish. I am not a tremendous fan of baked beans, but that has to be the most disgusting/lazy/bland display of pepper stuffing I've ever seen.

Ok, let's talk about that pizza. I'm pretty sure that the old adage: "Pizza is like sex, even when it's bad, it's worth the effort" is blown to smithereens with this one. If Handsome tried to pull off "Pizza topped with canned spaghetti and a lattice of anchovy fillets and processed cheese" he'd be sleeping on the couch. That isn't pizza, that's the overspilled bowels of a night of bad culinary decisions. The green olives are that final touch. They accent the dead fish so well.

Last but not least, I saw this over on Strollerderby this week and while it's not a true retro-gag, the ghosts of 1950's moms everywhere will be nodding their heads and clapping in delight...

Spaghetti Dogs



Truly, words fail me. If I served this to my Darling, she'd be sleeping in our bed for a week after the Octopus Hot Dog Monster dreams she's sure to have. I wouldn't blame her. Hell, I might have nightmares about this anyway...

Happy Friday, have a great weekend!

Well, it *does* rhyme with Maria

Darling's really into rhyming right now. Cat, mat, pat, rat...etc.

So, we're cruising down the road the other day and I'm discussing my friend, Maria, with Handsome.

We assume Darling is asleep in the backseat, but out of the blue, really loudly, she shouts, "Maria rhymes with diarreha!"

Well, yes. Yes it does.

I proceeded to let her know that the Maria diarreha song she began to sing was just as inappropriate in social settings as the "I see London, I see France..." song was last week.

Sigh.

It's the pits, really...

How freakin' cool is this? I'm a huge fan of Cool Things in Random Places, but this takes me back to my childhood desire to dig a hole to China. I did my best, but my mom cut me off when I'd only gotten 2 feet deep into the ground. Good thing Hell wasn't in my backyard, I guess.

To Me...On the Anniversary of My Solar Return

Solar Return is just a fancy, New Agey way of saying birthday. It somehow sounds more dramatic, doesn't it? And I married an actor, so obviously I'm inclined towards the dramatic.

So, I'm 32. A smidge older than yesterday, definitely no wiser.

Mostly I'm just tired and ready for the weekend.

But I get retrospective on the day the sun returns to the position it was in on the day of my birth. It's the historian in me, I guess.

I'll admit the last few years have really been tough on me. Some of the toughest in my life and I'm not sure I'm a better person for having endured them. I've let my vices and inner demons get the best of me and had too much inertia about the things I know I need to change. But time marches on and so do I.

I promise myself to do more of the things I love: write, read, yoga, find my spiritual center, be an even better wife/mother/friend...

Time to change, but only for the better and place the past in the past where it belongs.

This year I give myself the present of the future and the vision to see it.

So here's to 32...to a better year.

What kind of commenter are you?

I saw this over on mental floss and it's just a really interesting article. I'm not sure what kind of commenter I am, I just know I usually like to leave and receive 'em. (As long as they are mostly nice/at least has a valid point if I'm wrong)... I've been extremely busy lately and I haven't left as many comments/blogged as many entries as I'd like. Hopefully things will simmer down soon...

Anyway...

Check it out!

Adult Easter Egg Hunt Suggestions?

Against my better judgement (don't I have ENOUGH to do?!), I've agreed to host an adult themed Easter Egg Hunt tomorrow night. My sister in law talked me into being the host for an event that I've never even been to, so I'm not sure of the standards.

Apparently I'm in charge of hiding Easter Eggs in my back yard filled with things like condoms and slips of paper that say "Good for one Jello Shot" and "Good for One Pair of Edible Panties".

Any fun ideas? Usually I'm creative with this kind of stuff, but I'm drawing a blank. Nothing too gross, but I want to make it fun....

Let's Go Royals!!!

I don't care how bad they suck, Opening Day for the Royals is a High Holy Day of Awesomeness in my world. I love, love, love me some MLB!!!

I'm going to be soggy today, but I'll be at the K, drinking overpriced beer and scarfing some nachos. (If you're that really, really drunk girl who peed her pants in the Ladies restroom line last year, please don't stand next to me this time, m'kay? Thanks.)

I will maintain perfect somberness as I stare at the forbidden hot dogs and remember that Christ died for my sins.

But I'll be cheering for the Boys in Blue! Let's Go Royals!!!

This is my favorite time of the season...the brief few weeks I can kid myself that there's hope for the Royals being a contender for the pennant race. I embrace my self-delusion like a well loved security blanket.

Peep Show!

I've been a very bad, bad blogger lately and that's mostly because I've got some potentially bad, bad shit going on in real life. It sucks, I don't want to really go into it here, but needless to say, if you can think happy, fluffy, wonderful thoughts for me for a little while, Moxie would much appreciate it. All hope isn't lost just yet, but I'm not sure...

Anyway, Mental Floss' Peeps on Parade cheered me up. Check it out...I hate the taste of them, but they are a sure sign of Spring and that's a good thing, right?

Here's one of my favs, The Wreck of the Edmund Peepsgerald . . .

A Lesson In Gratitude...

Darling spent last weekend with my mom and dad. We aren't going to see my family on Easter so, naturally, the Easter Bunny came a little early and visited at Grandma's.

When my mom and dad brought her back on Sunday evening, I told Darling to thank Grandma and Grandpa for all the cool stuff (a Peeps necklace, an Easter dress, and LOTS of candy) they gave her.

Darling, with all the self-righteousness and justice a 4.5 yr old can muster, refused.

"Grandma didn't get these for me, the Easter Bunny did."

I told her to thank Grandma anyway.

She refused.

Sigh.

I guess she has a point...

Why give Grandma any credit when a mythical fertility creature deserves the props?

Good imagination, spoiled brat or future judge, I haven't decided...