I shouldn't have read this, but I still want one...

If infomercials are correct, my life currently has a gaping void that can only be filled with the warmth of a Snuggie (and possibly the Sham-Wow).

I've wanted one SO bad. I was hoping for Christmas, but husband has a strict policy when it comes to "As Seen On TV" crap: If it's really a great product, it will be in stores eventually. (Now I know it's at Walgreen's, but I bet you don't get 2fer1).

Sigh.

I still wanted a Snuggie, until I read an "IRL" product review.

(wimpering softly): I still want to be in the Snuggie Cult...

The 2012 Conspiracy Theory...

It's been awhile since I've waxed poetic on my Newest Favoritest Conspiracy Theory. It's an ever changing fascination with alarmists, plotters and crazies. Give me your Lincolns, your JFKs, your Area 51s, it's all good.

My obsession with the absurd but sometimes scarily semi-plausible, began when I was about 8 yrs old or so and would sneak out of bed, sit at the top of the stairs, totally hidden but at the perfect angle to see/hear the tv when my parents were watching these shows. I would literally quake with fear in my bed.

Nothing, but nothing, honestly scares the conspirator crap out of me like 2012.

Even the History Channel is in on it with their Armageddon Week which was earlier this month. (Nice timing, guys, way to make people feel all warm, hopeful and fuzzy in the new year).

If you're unfamiliar with it all, go take the penny tour at Wikipedia.

Everyone from the Maya, to the Aztecs to the Egyptians and Nostradamus say we're screwed. The world will come to an end on Dec. 21, 2012...apparently.

What I appreciate most about this theory is the scope of different ways that it will come about. Some say nuclear war, some say the magnetic poles are going to shift, some say flu/biological warfare, the possibilities are endless, really.

This reminds me of all the hoopla leading up to Y2K (remember that?) There's even this guy, who is probably legitimately making money on this fear. Fear not, though, Obama has been given notice to save all of humanity.

Thankfully, it may not be left up to him alone. Clinton, over at Zombie Eats Shark has probably the funniest and best ways to save us using simple logic. Take a trip through his break down of the Apocalypse. It's freakin' hilarious. But I guess it's good to keep your sense of humor in the face of impending doom, right?

My personal favorite is his answer for religious apocalypse...

Happy (Belated) Blogiversary to me...

It's been one year (last Sat) since I started writing this crazy thing. A whole year. When I decided to dip my toe in the bloggy waters, I didn't know what to expect.

I pretty much still don't but I'm having fun doing it. This ol' blog (I can't believe it's been a whole year) has become a really nice little ranting spot for all the voices in my head and I've made some pretty good/supportive blog friends along the way.

I'm an analyzer. On birthdays, anniversaries, etc. I tend to take an evaluation of the past and the future. So, it seems appropriate to do so now.

I haven't been quite so prolific in the last few months (mainly because it's been crazy insane in real life) but I still enjoy the outlet. I like that my blog is random. I know serious bloggers always advise to have a topic or theme and stick with it.

Meh.

My brain is completely sporatic and so is my blog. My topics have been as strange as Man-scara, ghost stories, stuff about my kid and politics. I'm not going to change that.

I also know I have a relatively small readership, all things considered. I've never really tried to "recruit" people to read me, but I do hope my readership goes up. Maybe I should try to cast my readership nets wider. I'm just not all that sure how to go about it the right way.

I'd like to redesign my design. I'm only using a crappy Blogger backdrop which is shameful since I'm an advertising and marketing professional. I know better than this. My time has just been increasingly limited and web design has never been my thing.

Another goal of mine is to become an occasionally paid blogger. I'm not brave enough (yet) to base my income solely on writing, but to know that someone thinks my opinion is worthy enough to pay me to say something would be nice. Plus, I've always wanted to free lance and other than a few projects here and there over the years, I've never really actively pursued it.

So, we'll see. Who knows what this year holds. I do know that I promise to publish more often and comment more frequently...

Policemen, Firemen and Aliens, Oh My!

From the files of My Kid Says the Weirdest Things:

Scene: Right before Darling's bedtime, she's fillibustering over teethbrushing...I'm trying to figure out my new cell phone. So far, I'm not impressed with AT&T.

Darling: Guess what, Mama! A police officer came to our school today and he told us about emergencies and you should call 911.

Me: Really? What else did he say?

Darling: He said if you call 911, police officers, firemen and aliens come to rescue you.

Me (choking laughter): Are you sure he didn't mean police officers, firemen and ambulances?

Darling: NO! He said aliens.

Me: Ummm...

Darling: You have a new phone. I wish I had a real phone.

Me: Maybe when you're 12...

Darling: After I'm 4, I'll be 12.

Me: Well, not in sequential order.

Darling: What?

Me: We'll see...

Darling: My tummy hurts. Can I call 911?

Me: No, Darling. It's bedtime.


We'll have the aliens and 911 talk later. Hopefully before Will Smith shows up at our door.

Stop calling me names!

Caveat: This has been sitting in my drafts for about 2 weeks, I was actually about to dump it like so many other wayward posts...It was intended to be an anti-mommyblogger post, but due to current developments, it includes all "labeling" me a certain type of blogger, please excuse me if it seems a bit disjointed...

Mommyblogger.

BLEACH!!!

I hate the word.

I was recently mentioned in some Top 10 KC Blogs lists in a Present Magazine article. (Thanks, guys, I was really touched and honored!) What surprised me was how many bloggers identified me as a "mommyblogger" as a caveat and then went on to say they liked me anyway.

Ok, ok, I know my pseudonym is "Moxie Mama" but still.

I only sometimes write about my kid.

Why?

Because I secretly dislike a lot of Mommybloggers. Sure I read them, some of them are actually pretty great...but it's almost like a train wreck, I can't look away from the disasters (and I'm looking at you, Dooce.)

I hope my writing is broader than just that. At least I'm trying for that. Yes, mothering is my most important job and if I'm trying to chronicle the "Life, Times and Observations of Moxie" parenthood factors in. Darling is the funniest, most incredible, most profound person I know. But she isn't everything in my life (no healthy parent should be that child obsessed.)

I enjoy being a marketer and an historian. I know I should write more about both, but it's a fine line to walk when you really like and want to keep your jobs.

Even worse than the "mommyblogger" tag, due to my previous post about the inaugural expenses, I was pinned as being in the "Rabid Retarded Republican Housewife Brigade" by an anonymous poster.

While I appreciate the creative use of alliteration in the label, I don't appreciate the sentiment. Yes, yes, I know that you shouldn't encourage anonymous posters because they like the attention, but dude, a few things, just to clear it up:

1. Be ballsy and brave enough to put your name on your uneducated comments. I'm not ashamed of any of my well-thought out, intelligent opinions. If you're going to call someone names, at least make it accurate to who you're talking about.
2. I am not rabid. I've had my shots, dude.
3. I am not retarded. I have above average intelligence and two college degrees. I'm guessing you don't.
4. Holy Shit!!! I'm not a Republican! If you have read my blog in any depth, you'll know that I do not affiliate with any political party. I am not a republican, a democrat, a libertarian nor am I am member of the Communist party. I'm an American citizen that votes by the issues and her conscience. I want all politicians to be responsible and to be accountable for every vote, decision and action they make.
5. I am not a housewife. Granted, I own a home and I am a wife (and a mommy) but I have 2 jobs. I make more money than my husband does. I don't sit around the house eating bon bons, watching soap operas and blogging about crap. I love being involved in more than I can probably handle. (Why does "housewife" have such a negative connotation? It's a noble profession for many women.)
6. I am not part of any brigade. I generally avoid organized groups.

I knew it would stir feathers to criticize Obama's spending. I know this country needs a really kick ass party to celebrate our liberation from the Bush Administration. A little pomp and circumstance is in order, however, I just think it's in poor taste to spend more money than any other president in history considering how dismal the economy is right now.

I felt like he had the opportunity to set the tone for his expectations of his administration by sending a message of "The government is tightening it's belt on wasteful spending, how about you? Let's fix the economy that's broken. Yes, We Can (Do It Together)"

I'm actually supportive of the Obama Administration. I can't wait to see what he will do. It's going to be an administration like none other in history, but now I expect him to live up to the promises and rhetoric that got him elected.

Spending that much money on a party that no one will really remember 2 years from now is not getting started on the right foot in my opinion. Sorry.

In poor inaugural taste....

I don't care what your politics are, I think it's horrible that Obama is planning the most expensive inauguration in history.

Shame on you! The economy is in utter collapse, and average Americans and their tax dollars are footing a big chunk of the bill. I'm irritated. What happened to all the rhetoric of personal fiscal responsibility and budget management?

Granted, this is probably the biggest election day since Lincoln's, but even he kept it smaller. Lincoln literally had to sneak into Washington because there was an assassination plotted on his planned train between Springfield, IL and DC.

C'mon, Obama, I have high hopes for you, but what would FDR do?

A terrible loss for historical preservation...

By now, I'm sure (if you're a Kansas Citian) about the death of Greg Hawley, co-founder of the Steamboat Arabia Museum.

I've had the chance to visit the museum a few times over the years and the Hawley family always struck me as a wonderful family of adventurers. In fact, the last time I visited, they were discussing rumors of another sunken steamboat they might try to locate and excavate.

It's one of our coolest museums and his legacy will live on. How many of us can say that?

I can't even imagine the devastation of such a loss for his family and friends. And for what? A drag race? Why?

I was literally moved to tears after reading James' first hand account. As the mother of a 4 yr old little girl, I couldn't even imagine having to explain seeing something like that to her. How blessed Greg was to have someone like James there in his last few minutes...

At the same time, I agree with Midtown, it's stupid and it's senseless and that 18 yr old kid should be held fully accountable. When I read the details of no tags, no insurance, etc. it justs adds insult to the terrible injury.

Life is such a precious thing that so many of us take for granted and some of us are reckless with.

Very, very sad. KC historical preservation will never be the same.

Please do me a favor, if it's in your budget, donate some money to the Arabia in Greg's honor. Museums are so tight on budgets that your donation could really help keep his dream alive.

See! I'm not the only one!

I know it's SO 2005 to still like American Idol, but I do! It's the junk food of my tv watching.

And I'm not the only one!

Hoo-RAY!! for the Kansas City Sinic (who you should be reading!)

So, bring on the clueless, the tone-deaf, the mediocre and the unmedicated. I'm ready!!!

"Tonight, Tonight..." (tone-deafly sung in my best "West Side Story" Broadway musical voice)

Hunky 1960's era admen always cheer me up...

Next to telethons, nothing irritates me more than televised awards programs. I just don't care enough to watch hours and hours of that drivel.

I usually check out the winners lists the day after and browse a few best/worst dressed lists and move on with my life.

That being said....

MAD MEN TOTALLY WON A GOLDEN GLOBE FOR BEST DRAMA....AGAIN!!!

Yep, I love this show!

I'm bummed Jon Hamm and January Jones didn't win (they were nominated, too) but that's ok. At least this seals the deal for bringing the show back this summer.

Is it July yet?!

Are we there yet?

I hate January. It's cold, it's bitter, it's harsh. Just like my mom, who's birthday was last weekend.

Usually somewhere around the the third or fourth week of January I hit my "Winter Blahs" which include mild depression, general fussiness and a bitch of a case of insomnia. No, I'm pretty sure it's not SAD, but it's pretty nasty sometimes.

I'm ahead of schedule this year...

While I've been exceedingly busy at work, and despite the fact I feel slightly rejuvinated from my extended Christmas holiday, my buttons are being pushed right and left.

I've been in a fussy, irritated mood for awhile now. Sorry for the lack of blogging, but this shit is contagious and I didn't want to bring you down.

That being said, I had a great weekend, full of museum stuff, visiting with old friends and I actually got some housework done (which always makes me feel more centered).

But Mondays still bring me down. The teetering pile that is my To Do This Week List looms over me precariously, threatening to come crashing down on my head.

But there's 2 parties at the end of this week, which means beer, which means good fun, right? I haven't drank since the unfortunate Uncle's Homemade Wine/Moonshine Incident of Aught Eight, so I'm overdue for a beer night.

So, that's something to look forward to...Is it Friday yet?

Pink is really for boys...

So, pink is traditionally a "boy color"...

I HATE the color...but it's unavoidable with a princess crazed 4 yr old.

Thanks a lot Hitler and Barbie.

My daughter's favorite color is purple...what does that mean?

Check it out: Adolph Hitler and Your Little Pink Princess

Numbers for the New Year

I haven't written about Numerology or Tarot in a while, so I'm over due. This is a regurgitated repost.

It's a handy, quick analysis of what kind of year you're going to have based on your month + birthday + 2009. It's fun if you're bored. The last couple of years really were accurate for me.

Enjoy...

Back In the Saddle...The Catch Up Edition

Hey, I took a break over Christmas.

Did you even notice?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Nevertheless, I really, really needed it.

A break from work, email, blogging, life in general...

But I'm back now, semi-refreshed and slightly renewed (I guess)

Still, I wouldn't be true to my chronicles, Constant Reader, unless I caught you up on a few randoms from my break:

1. I've had just as much "Barbie and the Diamond Castle" as a mother can take. Insert My Little Ponies theme song and I'm in a corner, humming softly to myself, brushing my hair with one of their teeny tiny combs.

2. I will NEVER drink homemade wine EVER again. I'm an alcohol light weight and Handsome's uncle makes homemade pear wine. "Fine" I think. "It's the holidays, I can handle a few glasses." Nope. Even though it tasted like Boone's Farm, I blacked out and puked everywhere after 2 GLASSES. Yep, I shit you not. I didn't even feel tipsy until the bottom of the second glass and then it hit me like a freight train. I've never done anything like that before. Nothing says Happy Holidays like regurgitated moonshine! I'll stick to beer next time, hillbillies, thanks a lot. Did I mention I puked in my parent in laws brand new Explorer? Classy Family Memories, huh? Thankfully, they know I'm not an alcoholic and they just teased me. "No one told you about Uncle _____ homemade wine, huh? Ha Ha..."

3. Darling made "Reindeer Food" at school. We set it out in a bowl with the milk and cookies for Santa. In our Christmas morning haste to get the hell out of the house, I did not remove the bowl. When we came home 6 days later, the bowl was empty. I'd like to know what would possess Darling's cat to eat a mixture of dried beans, birdseed and a whole lotta gold glitter. We aren't even going to talk about the sparkly cat shit/smell when we returned, and yes, he was fed by a friend every day.

4. Why are kids toys so hard to get out of the packaging? All the wire ties and tape and crap? Really, it's an f'in toy, not Ft. Knox, alright toy manufacturers! My hands are permanently maimed now.

5. I still hate my smug, know-it-all, Trivial Pursuit card memorizing sister-in-law. It's lucky I wasn't drunk around her. REALLY lucky.

6. It's probably not the best way to start the New Year, but I was reminded at a friend's open house how much I still hate this one girl who tried her damnedest (and I truly mean she gave it a hell of an effort) to lure Handsome away from his very happy/very married lifestyle. (Believe me, once Handsome told me of her advances, I took swift action to ensure no more unwanted attention would take place.) I was sharpening my fingernails, ready to go for her eyes at a moment's notice. I hate women like that. But I took a small amount of pleasure in knowing she's scared shitless of me now. I even smiled sweetly at her. I'm a bad person. I know this, but I believe in harnessing my rage for mostly good endeavors, like protecting my marriage.

7. I could really get used to my best friend's tacos on Christmas Eve. For a Sicilian, she makes a damn good Tex-Mex buffet. Insert her wonderful family and her drag queen friend and you've got yourself a Merry little Christmas.

8. Handsome and I make it a priority to enjoy the Christmas tree lights from beneath the tree (if you know what I mean) every year. We finally accomplished our mission on Christmas Eve, before stacking all the useless, Ft. Knox secured, presents underneath from Santa. TMI, I know, but it's a lovely tradition of ours.

9. Next time, I won't let Darling hold on to any toys that make noise on a 4 hour cross-state car ride. Bad choice. (See #1)

10. I made no New Year's Resolutions this year. I'm holding out for Lent. The Catholic guilt is a very useful tool. So none of those lists from me until the Spring.

So, that was my (semi) Happy Holidays. Hope yours weren't as crazy.

Not tonight, darling...

I'm baaack! I took a very well deserved break from "Everything" but I'll be back tomorrow.

Because I despise New Year's Resolutions...I'll leave you with Harry Chapin's most wonderful song, "Circle" which is kind of a bridge for me over 2008 and 2009. There is lots that's good, but lots that needs work... goodnight, darlings..