Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Intense, Irrational Fear

Go ahead and make fun of me...everybody else does.

I can't help it. I can't control it. I'm incurable.

I'm afraid of gnomes, garden variety or otherwise.

I know how it sounds, but ever since I was a little child and saw them in picture books with their rosy little apple cheeks and pointy red hats, I just didn't like them. And then when I was about 11 our neighbors put about 8 of them in their yard. And those creepy little f*ckers would stare out at me behind the shrubs and azaleas. No matter where they were, they would be staring right at me. I swear they even moved around her yard, even when she was on vacation. I hated them.

Popular mythology has painted them with a kind brush, but I know better. I don't buy into that David the Gnome propaganda. That Travelocity gnome? Just a patsy for their plot to take over the world. I'd never buy plane tickets thru that little f*cker. What's with the English accent? Authentic gnomes are from Germany...suspicious or a conspiracy, I'm not sure...

I'm proud that JK Rowling had the courage to expose them for what they really are: mean tempered little bastards that bite.

Sure, I get alot of teasing about my fear. My husband's friend even threatened to defile our front yard with them on my birthday as a form of shock therapy. (Handsome wisely advised him not to do so).

No one can understand why a mostly rational, college educated adult would quake with fear over something in my imagination. Sorry, but I just can't shake the heebie jeebies from my childhood.

I did find this very helpful site to assist me in justifying my fear: Garden Gnome From Hell!
See! I'm not the only one!

So, tonight, tired from work, I come into the house and Handsome calls me over to the computer:
"Hey, watch this!" pointing to a YouTube video.

I squint. Stare. "What is that? Bigfoot or something?" and then it becomes all too clear...GNOMES IN ARGENTINA!!!! AHHHH!!! My worst fear caught on some kid's camera phone! This was worse for me than "The Grudge". I almost peed my pants.

Aparently there's been gnome sightings there in the last year or so. Is there such a thing as Gnome Busters, I wonder?

Watch this real life horror film. It's truly scary. Wait for :45. That's all I'm saying. Very frightening.


Miss Feisty said...

Hola from NCLM :)

Ok, I am really laughing hard right now..not at you, but with you :)

Gnomes...I guess it's similar to people who are deathly afraid of clowns.

And I agree...they are creepy looking little things.