Man-scara and Guy-liner

Subtitle: Honey, your gay is showing...


As an actor, my hubby's got a stage make-up kit. He's actually probably better than me at putting make up on, but of course, my daily spackle doesn't include cool scars and occasional facial disfigurements.

Handsome's latest show opened last weekend and he was running low on supplies. Here's how the conversation went:

Handsome: "I need to stop off and get some more stage make-up, I've been borrowing Gay Friend's guy-liner"

Me: "His what?!?"

Handsome: "His guy-liner. And his man-scara."

Me: "Are you serious?"

Handsome: "Yeah, I ran out during dress rehearsals."

Me: "No, what did you just call that stuff?"

Handsome: "You heard me."

Me: "Hand it over."

Handsome: "What?"

Me: "Give me your Man Card. Those terms just officially terminated your manliness."

Handsome: "Johnny Depp wears it. Pirates are manly."

Me: "You, sir, are no pirate."

Handsome: "ARRR!!!"

Me: "Keep working on it."

Handsome's not even remotely gay, but he does have distressing blips on his gay-dar. Like the fact that he likes Barry Manilow, is in musical theatre, cries during chick flicks and can do his own make-up so well.

The only thing saving him is his lack of fashion sense, his affinity for contact sports and his general handiness around the house. Oh yeah, and he likes girls, not boys.