Wednesday, March 19, 2008

If Hillary Came to Dinner . . .

I had to really think about this one...

Hillary would of course show up precisely on time and enthusiastically hug Handsome Hubby and I like we were her BFF's. She would bring flowers, a bottle of white wine (after one of her handlers called to find out what I was preparing for dinner) and a signed copy of her book, "Living History" as gifts. (Handsome Hubby and I are a little disappointed Bill didn't come with her...)

I apologize for how messy the house is, but Hillary brushes it aside and says, "I understand how hard it is to be a working mom. You should have seen the messes Chelsea and Bill would make!"

She would condescend to DD's level and tell her that she likes DD's pig tails and ask the name of her little blue lizard lovey (No Fuss Gus, if you're curious.) She would then try to hug DD, who has never been receptive to strangers getting up in her face and certainly not one as intimidating as Hillary, causing DD to scamper off to her room.

Hillary then asks if she can help with supper and I let her set the table. We engage in small talk, complete with reminscent memories of Chelsea when she "was that age" and I ask her advice about how to get DD to eat something besides chicken, hot dogs and breakfast bars. She dances around the issue and vaguely tells me she never had that problem with her daughter, but when she's elected president, she will reform the Department of Education's nutrition curriculum and pressure Congress to stop advertisers from infiltrating children's television. (I don't remind her that I'm a marketer).

We're having caesar salad, my famous Lemon Pepper Chicken, wild rice pilaf and asparagus for dinner. I call DD to dinner and she comes scurrying into the kitchen wearing her Princess/Dorothy shoes, her purple and black witches hat and waving her magic wand. Gus is tucked under one arm. She puts on her "mad face" and points the wand at Hillary.

Both Handsome Hubby and I cringe, because this is her favorite game and we know what's coming next...

"NO, WITCH! YOU CAN'T HAVE TOTO!" (yes, I know she's the one wearing the witch's hat).

We both profusely apologize and let her know that DD's favorite movie is "Wizard of Oz" since her father was in that show last summer. Hillary laughs it off and we eat dinner, discussing the treatment of women by the Taliban, No Child Left Behind (and how I think it's the worst thing to happen to American Education EVER) and what it was like to live in the White House. I'm disappointed she only laughs when I ask if she ever slept in the Lincoln bedroom.

It's a little tense when HH says that we were big fans of Bill. She puts on her "mad face" and tartly retorts, "This isn't about HIM, it's about ME and winning the election. Oh, and average Americans, of course". She quickly recovers and we go on eating in silence.

During dessert (Strawberry Shortcake), we listen to a mixed CD including jazz, Journey ("Don't Stop" is definitely included)and Celine Dion (with of course, her campaign song "You and I").

After dinner, DD retires to her play room to watch "Dora" and we are praised for having exposed her to multi-cultural shows. Neither of us tell Hillary that we are suffering Dora and Diego burn out, but whatever. The three of us decide to play the Game of Life, a personal favorite of mine. We let Hillary win. We know that she's pretty used to getting what she wants.

As DD gets ready for bed, Hillary reads her "Good Night, Moon" which is a DD favorite. Apparently, it's Bill's favorite too.

After DD is tucked into bed, we bid the presidential hopeful good night and our evening is complete.