Church Lady Customer Service Rep

I'm not happy about it, but I'm a team player...I guess. This week at work was anticipated to be a very busy week. We've expected a barrage of customer calls due to a promotion.

Good thing, right? God bless Capitalism and all that.

Here's the part that sucks. The office-bound managers have to take turns helping Customer Service answer the incoming calls. As the Marketing Manager, I am obligated.

I don't mind pitching in. Not my favorite thing to do, but I can do every so often.

So, I hop on in there on Monday, ready to help. I stumble around with the computer and headset and phone and I'm ready to go.

Just as I get settled, ready to deal with impatient, fussy customers, I hear this low methodical humming from the cube next to me.

"What the hell is that?" I think to myself. I wait. It continues. For the next 2 hours! But I'm busy talking to people and trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing so I let it go.

Next day same story. This time I realize that it's actually Shorty, the CSR who sits in the cube next to the one I've been occupying.

She's the sweetest little old lady in the world, but she's humming.

Gospel tunes. Yep.

Wednesday she breaks out into song as she goes about putting customers on hold and transfering their calls. "Jesus is...(something or other, I don't know, I'm Catholic, we don't "do" Gospel)".

Apparently I'm the only one who notices the concert. Maybe the other CSRs in there are just used to it. They must like Jesus more than I do because they are seemingly unphased by the hum/sing.

Maybe I'm just irritated by the Protestant reminder to accept my Lord and Savior and be saved.

Sidenote: I hate when Protestants ask if I've "been saved". I always reply, "Of course I have. I was baptised Catholic when I was a baby. How old were you when you accepted Jesus?" I love their looks of horror when I tell them I'm Catholic. It's like I have a disease or somethiing, though I guess some people think that.

I have no problems with other people's religions. I don't care if you Christian (whatever sect that may be), Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, whatever...I'm glad you're happy and found your innner peace. Good for you. Just don't shove it down my throat.

Anyway, I'm veering off track.

I feel intolerant today. I can tune out a screaming 3 yr old, a husband practicing his music at the top of his lungs and the tv blaring "The Backyardigans" but I can't tune out one sweet, little old lady that's praising Jesus next to me? I probably AM going to hell.

Now, whenever she's walking down the hall past my office, all I can hear is her humming. Everywhere. In the halls, in the lunchroom, in the parking lot. She hums non-stop.

I'm going crazy. I'm about to baricade myself in my office, shove my "vistors" chair up against the door and arm myself with my stapler to shoot staples at whoever tries to pry me out of my safe little office coccoon.

Maybe I should go in there and start singing "Jesus Don't Want Me For His Sunbeam" by Nirvana or "Losing My Religion" by REM. I'm passive aggressive that way. God forbid I actually tell her to knock off her Jesus lovin' at our place of employment.

I'm feeling like a horrible person today, but maybe it's just my Catholic guilt.