Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Moxie's Bad Treats/Good Treats List

I have to buy candy for a Trunk N Treat for Friday night so it got me thinking. What Halloween candy of my youth did I dread getting? Here's my list:

Crappy Candy:
1. Atomic Fireballs. Do they still make these? The cinnamon fire hot jawbreaker things? They are a choking hazzard and nearly inedible. Automatic dump into my brother's bag.

2. Laffy Taffy. Last weekend I went searching for Darling's Halloween bag. Know what I found? Laffy Taffy. What kind of sick demented jerk gives a 3 yr old little kid this crappy candy? Great way to break a tooth.

3. Dots. They're the cheap boxes of pseudo-gumdrops you find in the mixed bag of Tootsie roll products. They taste horrible and stick to your teeth in a disturbing way their gummy based counterparts (bears, worms, etc.) don't. Something is just not right about these.

4. Homemade treats. Who would seriously let their kid eat something that isn't pre-packaged. It's just dead weight taking up room in the candy bag.

5. Apples/Oranges, other assorted fruit. Seriously? Are you kidding me?

6. Individual sticks of gum. See above, you cheap bastard.

7. Weird flavored Tootsie Roll knock offs. In theory I should like them 'cause I love me some Tootsie Rolls, but they just don't taste right, especially the orange flavored ones.

8. Mints. Dude, did you save up at Sonic for a year just so you'd have Halloween candy? I don't want anything that's touched the floorboards/seat cushions of your car.

9. Smarties. I just don't like them. I never have. After the sweetness of chocolate products, they "smart" just a bit too much.

10. Bit O' Honeys. There has never been a more useless, horrible "candy" ever on the market. This block of crap can't even legitamately be called a food product.

Great Candy:
1. Snickers. They are the greatest chocolate bar in the world. There isn't anything else that I could possibly want more. The rest on the list are just secondary to these little delights.

2. Peanut M&M's. My second favorite candy in the world.

3. Kit Kat bars. Gimme a break, gimmie a break, break me off a piece of that "Kit Kat Bar"

4. Mr. Goodbars. Why do these only seem to exist during holidays (Halloween, Christmas and Easter)? I love these for their simplicity of mere chocolate and peanuts.

5. Milkduds. They rock. Whoppers are ok, but I like the caramel version.

6. Tootsie Roll pops. I love the "How Many Licks" challenge, but I'm impatient and have yet to figure it out. They remind me of my childhood.

7. Crunch bars. Crispy chocolate? Ok!

8. Peanut butter cups. Diabetic coma anyone? Yes, please!

9. Starbursts. I LOVE them! I would trade you anything for the strawberry ones!

10. Jelly Bellys. Gourmet Jelly beans rock! Too bad the "fun size" packages are so small.

Thoughts? Is either list incomplete? In case you're wondering, I fall on the "Pro-Candy Corn" side of the fence...


"The D" said...

We kept a list, an actual written list, of what houses gave out the good candy and the bad candy. The good candy givers were given lawn care, snow shoveling, at a discount. (We were a family of 4 boys with a lot of energy, so it was labor or fighting)

The bad candy houses were severely punished, with the typical TP'ing, egging, and poop in a bag on fire, and late night phone calls.

We actually warned them about what would happen if they gave out the bad candy.

Anonymous said...

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups > all!

Anonymous said...

HAHA!: "Mints. Dude, did you save up at Sonic for a year just so you'd have Halloween candy?"

Wide Lawns said...

I just linked to this post! Love it. We could definitely trick or treat together.