No, Moxie! That's MY pot pie!

My daughter's cat, BullyKat, is an evil demon, but we keep him around because he's as sweet as sugar to Darling. He literally waits at the door for her to come in at night, he sleeps with her with a protective paw over her and never, ever scratches her no matter how she picks him up.

He's the devil to the rest of us ~ Handsome, FraidyKat and I. He scratches, chases and ignores us when we tell him to stop climbing the bookshelves (Little F'er broke one of my favorite vases I put up there to protect it from him.)

It's so bad that we've had to start feeding Fraidy in different locations because BullyKat would literally bitch slap him and bite him whenever he came near the food dish. Fraidy was losing weight and it wasn't good. BullyKat, meanwhile is only a year old and roughly the size of a barn (I exaggerate, more like an aluminum lawn mower shed, but whatever.)

So, we were at Hy-Vee last night to pick up a few things (Handsome's finally broken down and accepts that he has a hell of a cold that needs to be medicated). I wasn't particularly in the mood to cook, so I perused the frozen food meals aisle and lo and behold, what do I find but a dear, old friend of mine....

Nostalgia caused an impulse buy. I know they are horrible, so please don't lecture me on that...I haven't eaten a pot pie in probably 10 yrs but I loved them when I was a kid (and a poor, starving college kid).

I bought a few beef pot pies (They are only $2 for 3 at your local Kansas City area Hy-Vee!), took them home and threw them in the freezer (They are microwavable now! No more tinfoil pans! Times have changed! I wonder though if the cardboard pot pie dishes are still effective for making mud pies, which is what I used to use the old ones for. Do they bake in the sun as well? I don't know.)

Since I live about 3 minutes from my job, I go home for lunch today. I thought it would be lovely to enjoy my nostalgic pot pie at the picnic table in the backyard in this lovely 60+ weather.

I toss my pot pie in the microwave for 6 minutes, check my email, take the pot pie out of the microwave and leave it on the counter to cool while I answer the call of nature (and who really enjoys the roof of their mouth being burned?)

It's about a minute and a half kitchen/bathroom round trip, I'm efficient.

Upon reentering the kitchen, BullyKat is on the counter (I HATE THIS! I HATE THIS!!! AND SOMEDAY HE'LL BE STUPID ENOUGH TO DO IT WHEN I'M CLOSER TO THE KNIFE BLOCK!!!).

What's he doing?

Licking the top crust of my f'ing pot pie, THAT'S what!

He takes one look at me and darts for the laundry room and hides behind the washer where the little f'er knows I can't reach him.

After cursing him like the saltiest of sailors, I'm left with a dilemma.

I've got 2 back up pot pies in the freezer but I've already got one ready (though cat licked) on the counter.

I was quickly running out of lunchtime...so I decide on a crust-ectomy, since most of it was safe in the microwavable (!) dish. (Shut up! I'm a mother and once you have kids, your gross-out factor depletes by multiple digits. 4 years of snot, puke, poop and pee will do that to you.)

Ever tried to cut the crust off a pot pie?

Not as simple as you think, but I managed it.

So, even though it was a lovely day, and I did indeed enjoy my topless pot pie outside, my sunny disposition has been ruined for the day.

Would you like to know what's for dinner tonight?

(Not my actual cat, this is someone else's photo, sorry, whoever you may be. The coloring is right, but remember, he's the size of the backyard shed. I'd need a bigger pot than that or maybe a broiler.)